It’s been quite a while since an update. I was hoping that perhaps Bob would write one, but he’s been pretty busy.
For me, we’re in a part of the year that has a lot of very bad anniversaries for us. The first time Dorrie stopped breathing at home, the helicopter ride, the second time, the cold she got, the month she spent sedated in the PICU, getting the trach… none of these are things I want to remember, but of course, it’s impossible not to.
Alexa and Anne have recently made some posts that touch on the same subject. With Dorrie still on the vent, it’s hard not to (and perhaps appropriate to) feel that we’re still in a very precarious position, healthwise. She’s really only been sick sick 4 times in her life, but 3 of those times she nearly died. So we scrutinize all of her secretions, watch the sat monitor, watch her breathing, feel her forehead, and obsess about whether or not she’s coming down with something. I tense up when I hear the nurse cough in our house, wondering whether she is sick and has now spread germs to Dorrie that are going to kill her.
The 13th was the anniversary of Dorrie’s first visit home after being discharged from the ICN, and on the 3rd or 4th, she had officially been home for more days than she was in the hospital. As of the 17th, she is 18 months old.
But something in me hesitates to write about good things like that because I’m afraid to jinx it by talking about it. Once we get through March, I’m hoping I’ll be able to relax a little bit more.