Jellyn’s Collection of Curiosities

Summary: Q’s biological clock is ticking.

So, yay, Q in this ep! And if he’s not, then it’s false advertising! It’s probably also the Civil War. Because they haven’t mucked around enough in American history yet.

But, grrr! The Tivo is set to record Voyager 1 minute beforehand and 15 minutes afterhand. And yet Spike still manages to thwart me! This time they started it early.

I dug it up on YouTube and it’s literally only 2 seconds I missed. Two seconds which I might not have missed if it didn’t take the Tivo some time to talk to the cable box and the cable box to decide to change the channel. Sigh.

Way to work in the explanation about the mobile emitter, there, Doctor.

Oh, Q, Q.. why you should need a female to be the mother of your child, I don’t know. Since apparently the species of the female in question is irrelevant.

Why don’t you at least consider it, Janeway? You already made catfish babies with Paris. Why not make a q with Q? It probably doesn’t even have to involve sex. And you could certainly bargain with him for a ride home. People really don’t give Q a chance.

If you knew anything about Janeway, you’d know the way to her heart is through her crew or through science.

Oh, come on, Janeway. You just missed the perfect opportunity to tell him about the catfish babies!!

A star going supernova only happens once a century in the entire galaxy? That sounds… not right. Hrm. Guess I can’t argue with NASA on that one.

Janeway, Janeway, you have so conveniently managed to utterly forget those walking catfish babies, haven’t you? ‘I could never have a child with someone I didn’t love.’

*snickers at Janeway sneaking closer for a good look at the Q sex*

See the cute little baby q that could’ve been yours, Janeway? Tsk tsk.

Summary: Kes gets a chance to stretch her acting chops and play someone distinctly un-Keslike.

Siiigh. I want a holodeck. I would not put volleyball babes in it.

Yea, dude, don’t be so worried that taking you home will take them out of their way. They probably would’ve gone that way to walk on a beach or something anyway.

Oh come on. There was no freaking reason to interrupt that kiss before it became a kiss. Even if the only time two chicks can kiss on Star Trek is when one used to be a man or one is an evil alternate universe version of herself, you should at least let the kiss happen!

Shall we count the kiss with Tuvok to be same-sex? Lesigh.

Well, not the worst episode ever, but not a whole lot to recommend it either.

Summary: The future ends! Or the past begins! Or we pick up where we left off after the last episode.

Were they contemplating a Federation timeship as the next spinoff?

Next time you’re visiting old Earth, calibrate your universal translator to translate your bad slang.

I’m not sure what a chili burrito is, but it doesn’t sound vegetarian.

For the number of times Vulcans are eating meat, or implied meat on these shows, the GLBT community should probably be glad there’s no gay people. The writers would constantly be forgetting or ignoring it and defaulting to them snogging people of the opposite sex.

*Gasp!* Continuity! With the doctor!! He mentioned he doesn’t have all of his memory back!

His memory issues are the only reason I’m going to accept the doctor has never felt pain before.

And the doctor acquires his light bee.

But Starling didn’t bother to give his program some clothes so he’d fit in. Some gay clothes.

Well, the doctor, if you still had a doctor, could surgically alter you so you looked fully human, Torres. Not that you couldn’t just pass it off as a body mod.

And that cell phone is so silly! Teehee! How awesome would it have been if they had a flip phone with the TOS chirrup on it? Oh well, I guess we can’t have everything in 1996.

When the heck did he have a chance to whip out that device (call it a tricorder, call it a sonic screwdriver) during the transport to try to fiddle with it and interfere with the transport? And why would you want to? If you’d like to be scattered hither and yon..

Southern California should’ve been the easiest environment ever to pilot a shuttlecraft in. Especially given that conversation they just had about Chakotay specifically doing pilot training in North America.

Oh, look at the quaint little 1996 bigots. Aren’t they adorable?

Guns and a survival bunker. But we’re still years away from Y2K!

Why did the bullets go through the doctor?

I’m not buying this romantic spark between Paris and Silverman.

Watch, they’re actually married or something RL.

Heh. She’s vegetarian. She wasn’t eating any of those foot-long hot dogs either. Guess they were all for Tom.

Temporal Prime Directive my foot. You’d think any sort of directive would’ve kept him from dragging you into the 20th century in the first place. Of course it should also apply to the mobile holoemitter.

How will Kes’s responsibilities in sick bay increase? If anything, her responsibilities should decrease a little, as she won’t have to be the one making house calls when people can’t get to sickbay.

Seems to me like you could give the doctor his own quarters if he wants them. Suder’s not using his anymore. And whatshisname who died on that Orkian death planet. And other people here and there. You can’t be that cramped for space or Kes and Neelix would be sharing quarters.

All in all, I would’ve wished for more out of that episode than what it delivered. Or perhaps it would’ve been punchier if it wasn’t a two-parter.

Summary: Idiot in a timeship tries to blow up Voyager, fails, sends them all back in time instead. Conveniently to present-day Southern California. This must be the episode they held in reserve for when the budget was running low.

As much as Spike doesn’t pay attention to starting and ending shows on time, I do have to give them points for showing episodes in order. Most of the time. This time they showed them out of order, but for a clear, considerate reason. They pushed one episode up ahead of a two-parter, so that they could air the two-parter on back-to-back nights, rather than having a several-day gap in the middle.

If only SyFy were half so considerate. I’d like to watch Enterprise in order, but fat chance of that while SyFy has their hands on it.

Earth – 1967 – Interesting. In the middle of TOS’s run. And I’m pretty sure the Enterprise went to the 60′s at least once. That weird dude with the computer and the cat that was going to be a spinoff. Or maybe I’m confusing that with another cat in another episode. But I think there was a cat. It’s possible that was the 70′s, but I’m pretty sure it was ‘present day’. Like ST4 was ‘present day’, at the time. DS9 went to the 50′s. Hrm. Twice? Roswell, but also that one where they were all science fiction writers.

Guess the only people reminiscent for the 70s are Robot Chicken’s writers.

Don’t be so freaking surprised it’s Federation. It’s a human on board! You should be more freaking surprised if the signal read as Ferengi.

Federation Timeship is cool. Why he decided to have a short chat with them before he blew them up, I don’t know.

I think these time-whatever people must be stupid. They wouldn’t have been in your present if you hadn’t gone back to destroy them and sucked them into your present instead.

Oh, please, people, you’re not so stupid as to think it’s Earth in your year? It was a space-time rift. Dude said he was from 500 years in the future. Why would it be your time? How about asking what year it is before hailing Starfleet Command which may or may not exist?

Ha! 1996. We always have to go to the present, don’t we? Except that 1996 shouldn’t be our 1996. It should be a 1996 that’s dealing with one Khan Noonien Singh.

‘Nice clothes, fast car, and lots of money.’ Whereas if they’d gone to 2010, the car would have to be a hybrid, and the money would be way out of place.

I could’ve sworn Janeway wore an outfit that color and general design before..

Tuvok looks gay in that outfit. And I mean that quite literally.

Chakotay! Throw off a random comment about Janeway’s legs!

Such imagination it took that not only did they go to present-day Earth, but smack dab in the middle of Southern California. Wouldn’t want to blow the budget by busing everyone to another state or anything.

I don’t think geese usually emit gamma emissions either.

Why’s this computer company guy in Southern California? Really, guys, you couldn’t even be bothered to trek (ha ha) up to Silicon Valley to film this? Or pretend it was Silicon Valley? I know you’ve managed San Francisco before! With its nuclear wessels across the bay in Alameda and everything.

How come the message from Earth, being broadcast in several languages, is being heard in several languages. Is it that the universal translator just ignores Japanese, and the Italian opera of an earlier episode? Would it also ignore Vulcan or other Federation languages? Only bother, as a default sort of thing, with alien language translation?

Now that I think of it.. how quickly did Neelix pick up Federation standard? Because they were marooned on that planet without communicators for awhile and he had no problem. (I’m just assuming Kes was awesome and spoke it like, a week after she got on board. Because Kes is awesome like that.)

Paris has tucked his blue shirt into his back pocket. Not making him look any less gay.

So Paris and Tuvok got a truck from a dealership by saying they were taking it for a test drive. I think they’d at least want to see your license before you did that. Wouldn’t it have been easier to bring money than a fabricated license?

That’s an awesome snowglobe. I want that snowglobe.

Ah, that is Sarah Silverman. In a role that’s not gross.

Of course the VW van is hers and they’re now going to take it. That couldn’t have just been parked randomly there.

Yea, don’t be so worried that our computer age is a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. You should be worrying that there’s no sign of the Eugenics wars. :P

Over 3,000 gigabytes of information? Really? Such primitives these Earthlings be. Don’t even know what a terabyte is.

I dunno. This episode is not doing it for me. Generally I think time travel episodes are pretty cool. Maybe it’s Sarah Silverman and Ed Begley Jr.’s presence. Maybe it’s all the dot com stuff. Maybe it’s.. I dunno. Just not a good episode?

I am not eagerly anticipating part 2 and may not watch it tonight.

Summary: Janeway goes on a vision quest to save Kes.

Okay, okay, let me try to guess this episode entirely from the title!

There’s this alien ground that’s like sacred and junk. And Chakotay’s all ‘it’s sacred and junk’ and Janeway’s all ‘I respect that, but really, I don’t care, we need to do something to desecrate it for the good of something or other’ and Chakotay’s all ‘Grrr’. And Tuvok’s all ‘I see his point, but you totally have a point too, Captain. And your point wins.’ And Torres is all ‘Whatever, let’s just get on with it.’

That about cover it?

Maybe Paris and/or Kim accidentally humorously stumble into this sacred ground and do something sacrilegious they totally didn’t mean to do.

Okay. I shall now unpause from the previous show’s credits and let fly.

Shore leave? Shore leave?! You did not just say you’re taking shore leave? Again! They didn’t mention shore leave at all for 2 seasons and now they’re bringing it up and/or taking it in every episode. Nobody’s stood up to the captain and said ‘Yo, Captain, I appreciate you wanting us to have a break and all and destress, but um.. some of us would like to get home sometime this millennium. Kthnx?’

You’re touring a sacred place of a religion you know little about, you don’t go wandering away from the tour! Jeez. Have some common sense and respect, Kes, Neelix.

Janeway seeking a scientific reason for everything is probably not the person to send through to plead with the spirits. The ‘father and king’ = ‘captain’ thing aside, they should’ve made a case for using Chakotay or Neelix.

Chakotay has an office? Is that where you are? Not his quarters?

Seriously, you had to at least expect them to change your clothes, probably bathe you. Those things are typical in this sort of thing. You did so much research into it.

The chick in the waiting room or whatever it is. She sounds familiar. Was she a Munchkin?

Hey, Paris directed this ep.

Ah.. Mrs. Potato Head. And yes, more familiar to me as the voice from that than as George Costanza’s mother.

‘Everything you’ve gone through is meaningless. You’ve been told that.’ I don’t remember her being told that. I’m also confused as to what part of the ritual was real and what part she was imagining. Did she really paint and walk a precipice? Or did she hallucinate that while holding and staring at the stone?

Well, we still have 15 or so minutes left, so I’m guessing she’s still hallucinating.

Everything she went through was meaningless. Now she’s been told that.

Again with the thoron radiation.

Tsk. Doctor. You shouldn’t go telling Janeway Santa Claus isn’t real after she’s just been to the North Pole and back.

I guess my guess based on the title wasn’t terribly accurate.

Summary: Torres dreams dreams that are really Nazi memories.

“Remember”? Like we didn’t already have two episodes about memory?

Apparently this is the ‘Harry falls in love with a chick who’ll leave him by the end of the episode’ episode.

Or maybe it’s the Torres has sexy dreams about Harry episode?

Oh, that’s not Harry. Too bad. :)

Algae puffs sound good. And I liked how the Enaran chick made a different ‘come here’ gesture than is typical. Sort of a reverse ‘kumbaya’, which means ‘come by here’, so um.. yea. Anyway, onward!

Nice to see some older people, just hanging out, chilling. Neither Janeway nor Tuvok asked an important question. Would she remember how to play the instrument now that the link was broken? I’d want to know that!

Torres is probably dreaming the memories of the older chick.

It’s really cool Torres can talk about her sexy dreams with Chakotay. Granted it’s probably at least partly because there’s a lack of female main characters. But it’s still cool.

And now, nearly 1.5 episodes later, we see how the doctor’s doing.

So apparently the doctor is fine are we are never to speak of the episode before last again. :P

Jor Brel. Not quite Superman’s dad.

For the number of times people have removed monitors from their head, you’d think the doctor would want to be notified if and when they do it. As they inevitably do.

Turns out I was right about whose memories they were.

A dark leather uniform is how you know she’s evil now.

You think it’s wise to initiate the telepathic connection in engineering where one of your people could see you doing it? And of course she’ll probably see everything in a matter of minutes, whereas it took Torres several nights, several sessions.

Summary: Well, the summary is right in the name, isn’t it?

“False Profits”. Hey, does that mean we’ve got Ferengi in this episode? That’d be awesome.

A wormhole. And evidence the primitive species has had contact with the Alpha Quadrant. I think all signs are Go for Ferengi!

Michael Ensign in the credits. Naming a character Ensign Ensign would amuse me.

This episode would’ve been more surprising and more amusing if it wasn’t telegraphed in the title.

I don’t see how a wormhole fixed in one location and jumping around in the other is ‘worthless’. Clearly the Ferengi don’t think so. And they’d be the ones to know!

Oh, come on, manipulating things so it’s the Prime Directive to take the Ferengi home.. just because you don’t like them or what they’re doing.

I wonder if anyone ever talks of outhumaning the humans.

What kind of idiot move to pretend to be a Ferengi and then give away a bunch of money.

Why did they take a shuttle down? Clearly they can teleport on this planet with no trouble.

Oh, apparently there was a Ferengi dampening field I missed hearing about.

That’s a gong, not a bell, dude.

Tsk. Playing around worrying about the Ferengi just ruined your chances of getting home. Idiots. You just couldn’t trust that the primitive people would solve their own problems.

That episode tried to be light and funny, as most Ferengi eps are. But there are a lot of things the Voyager crew did that are problematic. And I just didn’t find it as enjoyable as it was probably meant to be.

Summary: Doctor’s got Alzheimer’s. Aliens they can’t communicate with have a really huge border and an itty-bitty living space.

Ugh. ‘The Swarm’. That can only mean insects, alien ships that look like insects, or.. well, no, those are pretty much the two options.

Alien language that wasn’t translated. Hrm.

The closed captioning of this opera song (which should also be being translated) didn’t match what he was singing. Not word for word anyway.

It would take 15 months to go around them. But not 15 months to go through them? What kind of crazy ‘border’ extends in two dimensions and is so huge to protect an itty-bitty third dimension (itty-bitty by comparison)? That is, say, a really, really tall and long wall that’s been built to protect, a strip of land.

To put it in football field terms (as all commentators on television like to do), it’s like building 7.5 months worth of football fields to the right, to the left, up, and down. To protect like.. two football fields.

Okay, we have a number. It’ll take 4 days to go through the narrow section of the alien territory (which is conveniently near where they are now).

Yay, doctor’s daddy!

Well, now if they can hold their warp speed for 12 hours they’ll be a third of the way through. So much for the 4 day estimate at ‘maximum warp’. Clearly ‘maximum warp’ means whatever they feel like it means at the time.

Yea, I don’t care about the stupid swarm. Get back to the doctor subplot. That’s more interesting, by far.

It’s interesting that most of the time they’re in the holodeck, they just leave the room by an in-program door. They rarely call up the holodeck exit to exit by. No doubt it’s easier and cheaper to spare the special effects people from having to do it. But it’s also kind of more.. elegant. You can kind of see it as an evolution of people’s use of the holodeck.

Torres has a small headache and the doctor’s willing to give her a mild analgesic. Whereas he told the pregnant woman to suck it up and go back to work!

Well, that’s a bit of an ambiguous ending. Are we going to have the real doctor back next episode, no questions asked?

Summary: Kim and Paris spend the episode dirty and bleeding in prison. Fun times.

“The Chute”. Seriously? An escape-from-the-plane-full-of-snakes chute? A poop chute? To be crass. A transdimensional subspace something or other chute? A long slide where you end up in a bin full of plastic balls?

I mean, really, how do you make ‘The Chute’, the silliest episode title ever, into something interesting?

‘New prisoner’, ‘new prisoner’. Can I predict Torres will be one of them?

We have our chute. Which reminds me of Arata volume 2, actually. I know chicken and the egg, that Voyager can first, but.. :)

Well, so far it’s just Kim. I have vague memories of this ep.

And there’s Paris. No Torres though. Somehow she escaped being a prisoner for one ep.

Beans Morocco in the credits. Sounds like a vegetarian dish.

Blah. I’m not looking forward to another 50 or so minutes of this. There’s nothing about the scenario for me to like.

Never take shore leave. It never ends well.

Of course you can convert dilithium into trilithium. Why couldn’t you? Why, such a helpful thing to know. Should they ever have a need for trilithium. To make a bomb, I guess. All these explody things lately. I wouldn’t be surprised if the gold in their combadges was combustible.

What? No cannibalism? Food is scarce, people aren’t above fighting and killing each other. They should kill for food. Yummy.

Paralithium now? My head.

Convenient that the chute has all those handholds.

Yay. The episode is freaking over.

I will put this on my top 5 list of episodes I never want to watch again.

Summary: Tuvok and Janeway explore his memory of being on Sulu’s ship. Yay, Sulu!

That… was a random scene with Neelix and Tuvok about food. If it did anything, I guess it established it’s an episode about Tuvok. Or Neelix. Or the both of them. Maybe if there’d been any hint it was about Tuvix, it could be called continuity, but there wasn’t.

Sirillium is highly combustible and useful as a warp plasma catalyst. Um. Right. Because um.. you have to blow up matter and/or antimatter to make them.. blow up when you put them together?

Tuvok’s having issues. Is this the pon farr ep? ‘Flashback’ is such an innocuous and seemingly unrelated name for a pon farr ep.

Why would you not send an escort with the person who admits to being disoriented? You just trust him to get to sickbay on his own.

Yay! Sulu in the credits!

Nobody suggests this might be Neelix’s memory. Or that it might be Suder’s memory. Two likely causes that sprang to my mind!

No matter what you call it, you’re playing with blocks, Tuvok.

‘One of the Vulcans on the ship.’ Now, I quote that, because I know there’s a pon farr ep coming, eventually, and that’s going to be important to know!! They’d better not contradict themselves!

Sometimes they’re in sickbay and it looks like they’re in the transporter room. It’s confused me more than once.

Yay, Sulu!

Grace Lee Whitney! That’s why that name sounded familiar!

He’s 29. It’s 80 years ago. That makes him 109. That sounds younger than he’s previously stated..

I should probably re-watch all the Star Trek movies after 4. Yes, even 5. I’m pretty familiar with 1-4. Though.. I suppose I could watch them all from 1, just to be complete.

Thoron radiation disrupts a mind meld and blocks tricorders. Very useful, this radiation.

Janeway looks like a rather chubby kid.

So in the end, that was entirely a medical mystery ep. And not a bad one.

Summary: Can three misfits save the Captain and Chakotay from the stupid mess they got everyone into? Let’s find out!

Welcome to a new season!

The bad home video of Seska and the baby really should’ve clued you in that this was fake.

I guess ‘morale officer’ does make him an officer and therefore a ‘sir’. It just sounded a bit weird. Oh, Hogan, Hogan.. you were in previous episodes and you had a name. Who knew you were fated to be a redshirt?

Except now she’s saying Hogan was an officer. I is confused.

I wonder if Tuvok’s going to eat the grub worms.

Did the doctor never have pips on his uniform? I never noticed them missing before.

The computer didn’t list the Cardassian and the baby, whatever the baby might register as.

There’s Wildman and the baby. Didn’t want to pay her for 2 episodes.

You’re surrounded by grass and stuff and you choose hair as your kindling?

Dumb, dumb, dumb. Neelix wanders out into the dark on his own. And Kes follows him to tell him not to. And gets jumped.

I think we’ve seen this Talaxian before. Seriously, Voyager, you’re supposed to be making forward progress to the Alpha Quadrant! Why are all these people still in your vicinity?!

Oh, so now he’s a sociopath, doctor? You claimed he didn’t have a medical psychological condition before!

Really, Chakotay? You think it’s better to run into a cave where a giant thing ate Hogan than to face the crowd of people with pointy sticks?

The baby needs water? Isn’t it breastfeeding? And don’t tell me it’s not, because the doctor specifically talked about breastfeeding and teeth coming in early.

Also, let’s give the guy with the elfin ears the bow and arrow.

Before they even entered this dark cave, I wondered why they didn’t have torches to scare the natives with. They would’ve been particularly useful now. And maybe they didn’t have pitch or anything, but they have plenty of hair, don’t they?

Oh, hey, that burning grass makes me think… the grass would make good kindling? Don’t you think?

Tsktsktsk. When the Captain asks you if you can run, you say.. well, you don’t say anything. You look away. You whistle. You pretend you didn’t even hear the question. Sad, sad little doomed crewman.

The vaulted Starfleet first contact training. Completely falls apart when you can’t speak their language, apparently. Their only recourse is to chuck rocks at the guys with the pointy sticks? Really?

Was that supposed to be a kid Chakotay rescued? It’s not entirely clear.

I can’t say I’m too sad to see Suder and Seska go. Suder got a good ending though. Surprising for a Star Trek character.

Also, the doctor continues to be awesome.

Summary: Seska’s got my baby! Let’s go rescue him! Do you think it’s a trap? Maybe, but we’re awesome, so it doesn’t matter!

Melding with Suder made Tuvok go crazy violent. But, by all means, keep giving him ‘treatments’ Tuvok. :P

Oh, please, tell me you’re not buying this line Seska is feeding you..

Seriously, if Maje Cullah is surprised the baby isn’t his.. it wasn’t exactly a secret!!

Don’t be so keen on saving his kid, Janeway. He didn’t save yours!

Seska is dead. Oh yea, I believe that.

This Kazon is in sickbay. You’d think the Doctor could tell you if he was lying or not. Which he totally is!

Hey, he has an unknown polycythemia. You might even say a xenopolycythemia, mightn’t you? ‘I must be especially susceptible to its magic spells.’

Ha ha!! They did think to see if he was telling the truth. Except after he questioned him. And of course there’s a reason why it won’t work.

So the command code.. yea, whatever that is. It appeared on the screen as CULLAH. The closed captioning had been spelling it Culluh though.

You were letting the Kazon have free run of the ship?! Seriously, guys, it’s not enough to be suspicious. You need to freaking act on your suspicions and stop running headfirst into Seska’s trap.

You do realize you’re doing all this to save a baby? If that baby were in a red shirt you wouldn’t be bothered.

Yea, so now the holoemitters are taking power from the rest of the ship? They were distinct before. Remember? So that we didn’t have to worry about running the doctor all the time, and hanging out in the French bar playing pool?

The Kazon guy is Catholic apparently.

Leaving the ship in the middle of a battle you’re losing, in a shuttle. Where is the logic in that?!

Just keep telling yourself that you’re in this mess because you’re STUPID!

It’s actually kind of good to see the Kazon handle the ship so well, considering how well the Starfleet people usually handle alien technology. Especially as they did have Seska to coach them ahead of time.

You’re each a team leader. But Chakotay, Torres, you’re with me. What?! And where’s Wildman and her baby?

And.. the end got cut off. I don’t think it was by much, but I need to go hunt it up on YouTube. Again.

Turns out it was only half a minute. But, jeesh, half a minute!

On to part 2.

Summary: A fan successfully substituted her fanscript for the real one. But then the producers cut the sex scene.

Opening scene: Chakotay and Janeway are in some sort of capsules, on a planet (or reasonable fascimile thereof.)

Oh look, Voyager exploderificated and Janeway and Chakotay will have to be the new Adam and Eve. Well, at least Janeway has experience at that.

Doctor, you did not adequately explain why you can’t keep them on stasis on the ship. It’s stasis.

Oh, oh, you’re going to ask the Vidiians for help, are you? Jee, what a shame you didn’t keep that Vidiian hematologist on board, isn’t it?!

You’re leaving them on the planet, fine. But you’re leaving them with a shuttle?! You don’t have that many left!!

I guess they’re at least leaving the crappiest shuttle.

I think Janeway is enjoying this ‘let’s set up civilization on this planet while I find a cure for what’s not actually killing us now’.

Janeway is now on the ultimate speakerphone.

Good to see they’re spending their time well. Leisurely soak in the tub. Making sand art.

‘It looks like some sort of primate.’ Yea, it does. Exactly like a monkey. Go figure.

Kim, seriously, I’m not on your side here. I find it really irritating when human crewmembers can’t handle having a Vulcan in charge of them. Even if there’s more than that at play here.

If everyone was so upset at leaving Janeway and Chakotay behind, well, why didn’t I see anyone volunteering to stay with them? What about that young couple who seemed a good bet for staying on that other human planet? Maybe seeing Wildman’s baby made them think even more about settling down? Hmm?

Why aren’t they wearing combadges? Do the combadges only work when the ship is in range? Because that hardly seems like it’s been the case in the past… But, maybe.

Well, Tuvok isn’t dumb. Didn’t think he was. He’s old. He’s worked with humans a long time.

What is with the ‘oh’ and the ‘hold me Chakotay’ thing going on in the shelter while the storm raged? o.O

Really? All your stuff is damaged? You didn’t at least have the replicator in the shelter with you? There’s foresight.

How convenient that the Vidiian chick heard about your situation. Somehow. And boarded a ship that got there ahead of you. Somehow. You guys sure are speeding through the Delta Quadrant.

Oh, please, you are not hinting for a backrub. If you’re going to make a romance novel episode, does it have to be a bad romance novel? I mean, jeesh, at least do a traditional Star Trek fanfic plot! Hurt-comfort!! Nobody’s hurt yet!

Why do you need to do a site-to-site transport? Why does the antiviral have to go directly to sickbay? Why are you making the doctor do it? Do you seriously not have any transporter crew you can spare? Are they busy um.. doing secondary jobs or something?

I wouldn’t worry about tomato bugs getting your plants. I’d worry about another of those storms, y’think?

Seriously? You’re not dismantling the house and taking it with you? Because you have a copious amount of supplies on board the ship, right?

Seriously seriously? You’re just going to go back to work and not have any sort of conversation? Not that I wanted to sit through one, but still. Hrm.

Summary: The episode title is Tuvix. Do you really need a summary?!

K is making me watch this episode now. The episode title and my vague recollections of it scare me!! And we already had two episodes about fear!!

Okay, now they are literally stopping to smell the flowers!

More singing of Vulcan songs.

Yup, this episode is messed up.

Though.. this would be an interesting way to bring on a new actor and get rid of two old ones! They should’ve used it for that purpose!

This is a good actor. I’m always amazed when actors can pick up habits and gestures from another character, when I didn’t necessarily notice them before in the first character.

Everybody loves Kes.

Tuvok loves his wife! Ha, he’s such a liar.

Yay, Doctor!

Well, the ending was unsatisfactory, in the fact that we don’t know if Tuvok and Neelix remember everything. Though they should.

And what happened to the orchid DNA?

Though I’m very glad they didn’t take 3 possible copouts.

1. Tuvix sacrifices himself so that Kes and Neelix can be together.
2. Tuvix is unstable and he’s going to die if they don’t fix it.
3. Tuvix is involved in some sort of accident and the only solution is to split him.

Summary: The only thing we have to fear, is this episode. :P

The clarinet. Nothing says Band Geek better than that. Though I wanted to take it, you couldn’t until 5th grade. So I started violin, in 4th grade.

I cannot buy that the walls of the quarters are not sound-proof. Or that you couldn’t do some magical technical thing to soundproof the area.

You just wasted 5 minutes telling us the setup, which we already knew, and deciding somebody had to go into this dream world, which we saw as a foregone conclusion. That’s 5 minutes where you could’ve been wandering around fighting monsters.

Why Kim and Torres? I would’ve picked the Vulcan Security Chief. And, yes, maybe the half-Klingon engineer. Kim’s only there because it’s Kim’s episode.

Man, talk about nightmare. I’d hate to be trapped in the Cirque du Soleil for 19 years!

Ah, Kim, what a revelation! Characters! In the program! That won’t exist if the real people leave! Duh!!!

Gah. I hate this episode already. And I’ve got more than half of it left.

Kim! Honestly! Stop stating the bloody obvious like you just had a brainstorm!!

GAH! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!

“It’s almost as if he knows what we’re thinking. As if he can read our minds.”

Just one example of Kim’s brilliant observations. This time without the accompanying brilliant revelation, and he has to have it explained to him by the alien chick.

Yay! Doctor!!

Okay, I looked up this Clown guy and saw him listed in various shows as playing a character called David St. Hubbins. And I’m like.. what? So I had to look into that. And.. Spinal Tap is a fake band? Okay. Whatever. That is just really weird. I blame SNL, which he was apparently a cast member of. And this role in this ep is certainly not endearing him to me in the slightest.

What is up with this Extenze commercial? You buy their male-enhancement (or female-enhancement!) product and you get a ticket, to dinner, with some random Extenze dude! Where no doubt you will eat hot dogs and bananas and exchange pleasantries with your table-mates about how Extenze has changed your life.

Crap! The episode cut off. Which it shouldn’t have done. It had an hour and 2 minutes since it started. This is why Spike can’t keep on a schedule. They pack in more commercials and run over the hour. Though.. _maybe_ it means they haven’t edited the episode down from its original length. Maybe.

I missed literally like 5 seconds! One word of dialogue! So annoying.

So, in conclusion. WORST EPISODE EVER! Even worse than the evolved reproducing catfish.