So the hardest thing in reading this was I didn’t know where the original left off and the zombies began. It was easy to tell that anything relating to the zombies was new. All references in martial arts, new. Silly little changes like Crypts and Coffins (the original game I can’t immediately name) and Kiss Me Deer (that one I can name, but don’t know how to play), obviously new.

The characters, essentially the same as the original, I’m sure. The general plot, I’m sure the same. When Elizabeth goes from place to place to place, I’m pretty sure she did so in the original. When people get married, again, reasonably sure that was the same.

But other things, when the two ideas seem to intersect, or seem a little unreal, I’m not sure. Are the stupid innuendo jokes about balls in the original? How much puking was Elizabeth’s mom doing? Did Darcy seriously cripple that guy? Wickham, was it? I find it rather unlikely he was traveling around on a bed in the original, but.. how do I know?

And still other things, I know they were new, but I wonder what they were replacing in the original. In specific, Charlotte (was it?) gets stricken with the zombie disease and gets herself quickly married to some guy, Collins? Lots of C names. Very annoying. And then she continues to partake of society while she slowly turns into a zombie. And he doesn’t seem to notice. No one seems to notice except Elizabeth. And then the C guy commits suicide.

So in the original, was she pregnant before she got married? Did she die in childbirth? Did he then kill himself?

Is any of that guessing correct? No idea.

As you can tell, I had a real problem with names. People had first names, and they had surnames, and there were several Miss Bennetts, of course. Which I may not have even just spelled correctly. But then they might also be called ‘the Longbourne ladies’ and it was just very hard for me at first to tell anyone apart or keep anyone straight. So it was especially hard for me to get into it at the beginning, and to keep going. About the halfway mark, it wasn’t as hard to keep going. I guess I finally got into the story. Or.. some story. I don’t even know.

My favorite character? Elizabeth’s father. Until there’s a reference to him boffing a bunch of women. Which I suspect was added. But, again, no real idea if I’m right or not.

Okay, so the zombies themselves. They’re zombies. And you know what, I’m not really into zombies. Or zombie movies. The new vampires they’re not. So in the spirit of zombie movies, there’s gore, there’s unrealistic fight scenes, and there’s attempts at humor.

At the end of the book, there’s a discussion guide. Here’s a question not in the discussion guide:

* Elizabeth and her sisters feel pity for the zombies, embarassment when a friend is turning into one, and even spare the life of a zombie infant. Ninjas, on the other hand, Elizabeth disembowels and kills for no reason at all except to prove her competence as a fighter. Do you think this dichotomy is due to racism, classism, or something else?

The book draws in Japanese and Chinese references, as all the zombie fighters have gone to the Orient to train. One woman in particular, Catherine(?), thinks her Japanese training far superior. Elizabeth is pretty biased towards her own Chinese training.

Why then, does Elizabeth, with her Shaolin training, fight with a katana?

Why does one of the houses have nice Japanese gardens and whatnot, and a ‘coy pond’?

My answer? I think the author (no, not Jane Austen, the other one) has watched too many zombie and martial arts films, and doesn’t quite know what he’s talking about.

One final thought: too much vomit and other bodily fluids. They’re not funny. Not even the first time. Especially not in quantity. Author has also been watching too much SNL.

Long story short, this would’ve made a better short story. Or a direct-to-video movie.

Don’t read it. Seriously. Consider this my holiday gift to you. I have just saved you several hours of time that you can put to better use.

For the longest time, I took one particular cab company. To get to work cost me 10.25, then it cost me 10.50, then it cost me 10.75, all in the span of about 9 months. And one time they charged me 11$. It was getting ridiculous, so I’ve since switched.

One time, I was trying to catch a flight.. I think I detailed this elsewhere. Driver was new (in town!) and couldn’t find me, so was late picking me up, and I almost missed the bus to the airport, which meant I would’ve missed my flight. Next time I went to try to catch that same bus, though not to go to the airport, the driver didn’t have change so stopped at a gas station. Also, despite this being about a 10 minute ride, and even shorter than the trip to work, it costs about 50% more. Because this cab company charges based on how far they drive from the cab company to pick you up, and how far they have to drive back to the cab company after they drop you off. It makes for truly ridiculous fares at times. To go across the street from home, I think it would cost 20$.

So I sought a cheaper alternative. The company I use now charges 9.50 to get to work. But I’ve more often run into cabbies not having change. Dude, it’s your job, bring some small bills to work with you. One time this contributed to making me nearly 20 minutes late for work.

But what prompted the post today is that I was asked to share a cab with some guy waiting at the mall. I was nice and agreed, though I pointed out this would make me late for work. And then when I got here, he charged full fare anyway! Dude, sharing the cab should include sharing the fare, or at least you should compensate for making me late for work. On top of that, I lost a quarter in the seat. A couple of the pockets in these pants are very good for keeping things in them when you’re sitting.

So am I going to get a car? I still don’t see how. Cars are expensive. I can’t even afford my student loan payments. But boy, do I have some ideas about how to run a taxi company.

Thank you very much for your email regarding “Blood Ties,” which will not be
returning to Lifetime.

Lifetime has heard your complaints in regards to the cancellation of “Blood Ties”
and we have never canceled a show without a great deal of consideration for you, the
viewers. However, “Blood Ties” did not meet the viewership requirements to stay on
air.

Okay, one, you only ran it once a week! Who does that anymore?

Two, you didn’t even play the entire first season as far as I’m aware. Consistency and followthrough help.

Three, you totally would’ve had more viewers to start with if you’d kept Henry bi.

The letter then went on to say that they don’t have the rights to make DVDs, but hey, you can purchase the episodes from Itunes! Or, you can watch the reruns on Lifetime Real Women (LRW), because doesn’t everyone get all the random spinoff channels nowadays? And, whoopee, you can log onto their website to play games and stuphs!

And “There you can access the most up-to-date
information and read more about the show as well as participate in discussions with
other fans.”

What up-to-date information? Why do I want to read more about the show? You cancelled it! There’s nothing left to discuss except for the fact that you cancelled it!

I’m considering writing to the SciFi Channel. If they want to be more girl-friendly, then what better way than to revive a Lifetime show? :P

Spoilers behind the cut.

Smallville went all Da Vinci Code on us. And this episode is really, really, really dark and rather creepy. And not in a good way, like Blink.

Holographic doc slices up Lex and Clark both. Now they can compare scars in their next slashfic.

It can’t say it’s the worst episode ever, but it’s certainly the least appealling.

Today, out of 25 Munchkins, I got 6 jelly, at least 12 chocolate, and the rest glazed. Sounds to me like that was ‘mostly’ chocolate! Is that what I asked for? Nooo. It’s like he knew that the chocolate was my least favorite of the three. I just like a little variety.

Are the usually running low on jelly when I go in there? Well, it looks like it, but you have no idea what they’re hiding in the back. Does that mean they’re trying to save some for the other customers who come after me? Well, they should’ve made more then!

Do the jelly ones cost more to make? Tough. You priced them equally, so you should treat them equally.

What if it’s some combination of the two? They cost more to make, so maybe they don’t make quite so many, so they’re always running low. Or maybe they’re not really running low, but love to make it seem that way so you won’t be greedy and ask for a lot.

Well, I’m decided now. Next time I’m asking for half jelly and half glazed. I’ll throw them a bone. They can (and will) give me 13 glazed and only 12 jelly.

Stay tuned, because if this ‘half’ method yields an even greater disparity, I’ll let you know. And if they seem to run out, maybe I’ll be bold enough to ask if they have more in the back.

Well, I tried to. But CVS is keeping secrets. Want to know if they sell something? They won’t tell you. Want to know where the nearest CVS is? They won’t tell you. (Though I guarantee you there’s at least three within two miles of wherever you are right now.) Want to know if they have job openings? They won’t tell you that either. They won’t tell you squat.

Not if you’re using Opera, or any number of other browsers they’ve randomly decided they ‘don’t support’.

Dude, I don’t care if your website looks ugly. I don’t care that it displays some things improperly. I don’t care that this or that button or widget may be broken. I. DO. NOT. CARE. I doubt it works perfectly in any of the browsers you do claim to support.

You think every customer who walks in your store has a perfect experience? That they find what they’re looking for right off, for the price they want? That they’re able to purchase it speedily, with a minimum of fuss, and are served with a friendly smile?

Will you slam your door in the face of everyone walking up to your store who doesn’t know exactly what they want and where to find it? Of everyone who doesn’t have the money to buy it at the price you’re asking? Of everyone who’s going to frown and scowl at that friendly smile? Or are you going to take their business, because it’s a for-profit enterprise you’re running and their money is as good as everyone else’s?

Because you slammed the door in my face. You didn’t even give Opera a chance to show me your oh-so-wonderfully-crafted website. You didn’t give me a warning that it would work imperfectly and then let me take my chances. You just said:

You have landed on this page, because we do not currently support your web browser and/or browser version.

Our site currently supports the majority of Mozilla-based and Internet Explorer browsers on Windows and Macintosh systems. However, we do not support Opera, Beta versions, or recent releases of some browsers. We hope to remedy this in the near future.

You slammed that door with a polite “Thank you for visiting!” Well, thank you for nothing.

Plus, you have the nerve to call the DENIED webpage upgrade.htm. Sorry, going from Opera to Internet Explorer is not what anyone in their right mind would call an ‘upgrade’. I have lots of other names for it. I won’t share them here.

You know what? I think ranting about this on my blog isn’t quite enough. I think I’m going to make use of one other sentence you included on this ill-conceived page.

If you have any questions or require additional assistance please contact us by email at customercare@cvs.com.

You know what.. I do have questions. And since you won’t let me see your site, I require additional assistance. I am going to bug you at this address to ask my silly little question. Do you have the product I’m looking for? And if you answer that, or even if you don’t, as long as I know you’ve received the Email, I’m going to ask you another question. I’m going to ask where my nearest store is. When I’m done with that, I’m going to ask what that store’s hours are. And after that, I’ll come up with some other silly little question that I could presumably have found on your website in 10 seconds. And I’m going to keep doing it until you let me into your site.

I urge anyone else gets redirected to upgrade.htm after following this link — http://www.cvs.com — to do the same.

It may not save the pygmy chinchillas starving in Africa, but it will give me satisfaction.

What the heck?

This is a pill that I’m going to swallow. I’m not going to suck on it, chew it, savor the wonderful flavor of a Tylenol Cold pill. If I even could taste it if I had a cold. I don’t need it tasting all sweet and wonderful.

So why are they trying to dose me with fake sugar? I don’t like the taste of sugar substitutes and I don’t quite trust them either, so I try to avoid them. If they’re going to randomly put them in my drugs, though, they’re making it difficult!

(I bought a slightly different variety of Tylenol Cold – Rapid Release – which didn’t seem to list sucralose. We’ll see if it’s effective when it comes down to it.)

Except it contains sugar and high fructose corn syrup.

Which starts a new category for my blog: Things that have high fructose corn syrup (h-f corn syrup).

Edit: I changed the category to Pointless Ingredients, because it’s broader and looks nicer.

Big Bang Theory (geeky sitcom — funny)
Reaper (f dramedy — amusing)
Kid Nation (reality — interesting)

New shows you shouldn’t bother with (because with any luck they’ll soon be cancelled):

Bionic Woman (sf drama — boring)
Moonlight (f drama — lame)

Shows I’m undecided on:

Journeyman (f drama — eh)
Chuck (sf-ish drama — double eh)

Shows I haven’t seen yet:

Pushing Daisies

I’m blogging this while I’m watching it, because it started so badly that I wanted to write about it before I forget.

Spoilers below.

First, it starts with a dream. And then with him waking up. Puhlease. You do that in written fiction and you’re not getting published. (Or you shouldn’t be published.) It was a very lame, obvious attempt to get some background information about the character down. Narrated by him. Which, if you want a mysterious cool vampire dude, you don’t make him the narrator. Even if it is a staple of detective stories.

Second, sexist! Vampire dude ‘doesn’t hunt women or children or innocents’. Because it’s perfectly all right if there’s an evil woman running around.

He injects blood into his arm, rather than drink it. Denial, much?

Then, reporter chick takes photos of a crime scene with a PDA or a phone or something. It might’ve been an iPhone, I dunno. In any case, it’s not a camera you should be using if you want to actually publish the photo.

Used the word ‘coed’ which I don’t like as a noun.

He doesn’t seem particularly bothered by sunlight. Wanders around during the day and just sticks to the shade with some sunglasses on. Garlic doesn’t affect him, crosses don’t affect him, holy water doesn’t affect him, a stake through the heart wouldn’t bother him. What’s left to make him a vampire, you might ask. So do I. He has fangs and needs blood. And has awesome super senses and strength and speed. So, basically, he’s just a superhero. And not even a cool dark one.

Vampires are cool and all, but they have a LOT of weaknesses. This show has removed pretty much all of them. Like Superman who finds it’s okay to hang around kryptonite, just as long as he doesn’t like.. kiss it or something.

Of course the vampire is a dark-haired white guy. The reporter is a blond-haired white chick. Shokku.

And chick is a moron. If a guy leads you somewhere to meet the big, evil dude, then you don’t go TRUSTING THE GUY when you run away from the big, evil dude.

Apparently he won’t hunt women, but it’s okay to kill them if they’re vampires. Except that it’s obvious his ‘ex’ or sire or whatever isn’t actually dead.

Finally, what’s up with the title Moonlight? Moons are for werewolves.

Summary: Moonlight is teh lame.