Specifically this part:
|In other news, I finally got some new underwear so I could quit washing the old ones every damn day, but I thought I was buying my size and they turned out to be VAST HUGE SCARY GRANNY PANTIES.|
THIS IS SO TRUE. I have totally done this. Why in the hell does underwear not go by dress and pant sizes?! Instead it goes by halves. Why?! What purpose does this serve?